A five years' talk

Bom, esse está escrito há tempos.. Foi por volta de julho-agosto de 2014, só resolvi postar agora... 

The problem is: it's still hurts. The second problem is: what if this never stop? The third: I probably won't ever forget a single fucking word of that speech of yours. "I guess... I'm kind of drunk. Don't take in the wrong way. But I like you. And I don't know how to say it". "I'm shy". "I want spend one night with you, listening this song, one night only, and I don't know how to say it". "I'm drunk and shy". "I don't want spoil our friendship". "I do like you, I like you very much" you kept saying. "I like your smell, it feels like home". "You showed me how touchable was music". "I do like you very much and I can't deal with it". "Sometimes I wish I could be with you, only with you. But I can't be with you". "Kiss me, just once. Kiss me".
And then I said "you know that won't be just one kiss, don't you?" "Yes, I know", you replied...
I don't even know how to explain my control capacity on that moment. 'Cause you know... You were there, in front of me, totally wasted and beautiful, saying all the things I waited five years to hear. Yes, I did kiss you, 'cause if I didn't have, I would probably kill myself on the next day, and for the rest of my life... But at the same time I had to reject you... I had to control all my wishes, I had to ask you to stop biting me and go easy... But believe me, I didn't want stop, not for a second. However... again, it's you, and... I don't know how to say it, but I love you so much that I won't ever be able to do something that you will regret later or something I know that wasn't totally right... The last kiss before we went upstairs I gave 'cause what I really wanted to do I couldn't, so...
But you have to understand, I can't do it and I won't never be able to spend one night with you, only... doesn't work like that... I can't do this with me, with you and most of all, with us... One night and everything back to normal. I do want you, I wanted to feel every single bite, every single scratch... But... What I feel is beyond that fleshly need, is beyond my wish of having you... I'd rather be your friend forever than have just 'one night stand' and fuck up on the next day. And you need understand how painful is say this to you...
When I took you to my bedroom and put you to sleep, I changed you with my eyes closed, looking to the roof so I wouldn't see anything... I put two pillows so if you got sick, you wouldn't choke. And then, I went to the room, watch tv and get some sleep.
Well, I don't know for sure if you meant all those words you said... I don't know if you do feel all you said you feel... But we need to talk. I'm not asking you to marry me, to be with me... Neither of that. We just need to talk with you properly sober. I already know your decision and I think it was right, stay with her, she's far better than me. She makes you happy and treats you well, what is very important. I like her and I like her for all those things she made you realize. But still... someday, when you're ready to talk about it, I do want to know what you really feel. It won't affect our friendship, it won't change anything... but it's important to me. If this is true, if you like me, I love you and you will always be the one [you know it]... and we shall live with that, however this time, with all the cards on the table... what do you think?
that's the only thing I ask you, one true talk. Just it.